Gratitude Over Victimhood: A Leader’s Choice

It’s all about mindset

As an executive coach, I’ve worked with leaders navigating immense pressure, disappointment, and even betrayal. In those moments, the pull toward victimhood can be powerful. “Why me?” becomes a seductive question. But here’s the truth: leaders who linger too long in that space rarely move forward.

What separates resilient, impactful leaders from the rest is the mindset shift from blame to ownership and the quiet discipline of gratitude. Gratitude isn’t about toxic positivity or ignoring what’s wrong. It’s about recognising what remains strong: your values, your learning, your team, your ability to choose your next step.

Let me give you two contrasting examples.

Lisa, a mid-level manager, was overlooked for promotion for the third time. Her initial frustration was understandable. But instead of seeking feedback, she withdrew. She grew increasingly bitter, blaming office politics and favouritism. Her language changed; she referred to herself as “stuck,” “ignored,” even “invisible.” Over the years, her performance plateaued, and whilst peers moved forward, Lisa’s sense of injustice became her identity.

Raj, in a similar situation, was also passed over. But his response was different. After the initial sting, he asked for honest feedback. He sought out a coach to develop his weak spots, and began mentoring younger staff to stay engaged and visible. Crucially, Raj kept a daily journal where he recorded daily gratitude, not for the setbacks, but for what each experience taught him. Three years later, he was promoted and by then, he’d already grown into the leader he aspired to be.

The difference wasn’t luck. It was mindset.

Victimhood says life happens to me. Gratitude whispers, I still have power.

So here’s your challenge: the next time something doesn’t go your way, resist the temptation to spiral into blame or self-pity. Instead, pause. Ask yourself: What can I be grateful for right now? What’s still in my control?

Gratitude doesn’t erase difficulty, but it reframes it. And from that frame, real leadership begins again.