Can you be the boss and a friend too?

After almost 7 years away from the corporate workplace, I have been thinking recently about friendships at work. Because if you are in leadership long enough, you will form them. You just will. You work long hours together, travel together, sit in pressure-cooker meetings together. You see each other at your best and your worst. It is natural that some relationships move beyond “colleague.”

And when they do, it can be brilliant. Some of the strongest professional chapters of my life were built alongside people I genuinely cared about. The trust was deeper. The conversations were richer. The loyalty was real. However, work is not neutral ground. It is layered with hierarchy, ambition, perception and power. And those layers do not disappear just because two people get on well.

I remember earlier in my leadership career thinking, “If my intentions are good, that’s enough.” I was not playing favourites. I was not being inappropriate. I was just close to certain people because we clicked. However, leadership is not judged on intention alone. It is judged on impact. What feels like camaraderie to you can feel like exclusion to someone else. What feels like friendship can look like access. And if you are the one signing off bonuses or promotions, the dynamic is never as equal as you would like to believe.

If You’re the Boss, It’s Never “Just a Friendship“

Then there is the opposite-sex dynamic, which adds another layer entirely. I have had brilliant working relationships with women I respect enormously. Clean, professional, supportive. And still - perception travels faster than truth. You ignore that at your peril.

None of this means you should not have friendships at work. That would be sterile and unrealistic. It just means you must hold them consciously. And sometimes you must accept when a friendship has drifted into territory that no longer serves the wider team. I have had to recalibrate relationships before. Not because the person was wrong. Not because I stopped caring. But because the role required more distance than the friendship allowed. That is not betrayal. It is leadership maturity. You can value someone and still redraw a boundary. You can appreciate what was and recognise that the season has changed.

The hardest part is not forming friendships at work. The hardest part is knowing when to adjust them without turning it into drama or blame. If you are senior, you carry more responsibility in this than you think. Power subtly shapes every relationship around you. The more aware you are of that, the cleaner your culture will be.

Friendships at work can be energising, loyal and deeply meaningful. They can also become complicated very quickly if you are not paying attention. And the real question isn’t “Should I be friends at work?” It is “Am I mature enough to manage the consequences when I am?”