Dealing with toxic people at work: A coach’s perspective

Workplaces aren’t derailed by difficult people, they’re derailed by the impact of unmanaged behaviour. Whether you’re a colleague or a leader, toxic traits, if left unchecked, sap energy, distort reality, and weaken trust. The good news is that you can respond with clarity, calm, and boundaries. Below are two brief, distinct guides.

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Part 1: As a colleague - navigating toxic co-workers

How to spot toxic traits:

Look for consistent patterns, not isolated moments:

• Gaslighting - they deny things they said or did, rewrite events to make you doubt your memory, or make you feel unreasonable for raising valid concerns.

• Drama creation - everything becomes a crisis; they thrive in chaos.

• Chronic negativity - nothing is good enough, and they regularly undermine others.

• Credit takers & blame shifters (the most common toxic behaviour!) - wins are theirs and mistakes belong to someone else.

How to Respond Calmly

• Stay anchored in facts. Keep written notes of agreements and decisions, not for “evidence,” but for clarity and confidence.

• Use neutral language. “Here’s what I understood…” disarms escalation and keeps conversations grounded.

• Protect your energy. Not every comment requires a response. Silence, time, and space can be powerful.

• Set boundaries politely but firmly. “I’m happy to discuss this, but not in this tone,” or “Let’s stick to the issue, not the person.”

Coaching Perspective

Toxic behaviour is often a mask for insecurity. You don’t need to fix them. You only need to manage your reactions with clarity, calm, and consistency.

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Part 2: As a Leader - handling toxic team members

Toxic raits Leaders must notice:

• Gaslighting the leader or peers: They selectively “reinterpret” conversations to gain leverage.

• Subtle sabotage - withholding information, passive resistance, or quietly undermining peers.

• Culture erosion - their presence lowers the psychological safety of the team.

How to lead through this:

• Act early. Toxicity grows in the dark. Address patterns as soon as they appear.

• Use behavioural language. “I observed X behaviour, and its impact was Y,” keeps emotion out and accountability in.

• Set clear expectations. Document standards, behaviours, timelines, and consequences.

• Support, don’t rescue. Provide coaching, feedback, and tools, but the responsibility for change remains with them.

• Protect the culture. One toxic high-performer can do more damage than five steady contributors. Culture is a leadership asset so guard it.

Coaching Perspective:

Leaders often carry guilt when dealing with toxic team members. Let that go. Your job is to create an environment where people can thrive, not to accommodate behaviour that consistently hurts others. Compassion and accountability can coexist.

Final Thought:

Toxic behaviour, especially gaslighting, thrives in confusion, silence, and emotional reaction. The antidote is simple; clarity, boundaries, and calm. Whether you’re a colleague or a leader, you can respond with strength without ever becoming combative.